Never Gonna Stop

crazy burning toxic love

chasing cars, making scars

breaking bone, sticks and stone,

meteorite hits… we’re screaming, awake but still dreaming

flying, crashing by, getting high..

have to stop.

Into the world we collide.

Together we have truly lived and often almost died.

Together we can try.

Open eye for an open eye.

Open your mind.

Catch up, look up!

Don’t lag behind.

This may be our only chance.

We have warrants to be shot on sight.

Have no heed to fright.

Take no hesitation.

If my heart stops, let it.

No resuscitation.

We are bound by no man’s law.

Together we’ll crumble, together we’ll fall.

We won’t listen to what the doctors say.

We’ve always known more anyway.

This race of life is spiralling and coming undone..

But darling aren’t you having fun?

Image

Little Bean

Something grows inside of me.

I’ve read all the books

They tell me how at 10 weeks it now looks.

The size of my thumb

It’s not longer than a piece of gum.

30 more weeks a baby you’ll be.

I shall become a mommy when this being comes out of me.

What will I do if something goes wrong?

What if my body won’t alow me to carry you for so long?

I worry constantly over this little bean like thing.

I have hopes of holding it live and healthy to which I cling.

I’m unhealthy and sick and ill.

What if I can’t ever carry you despite all my good will?

If this little bean dies inside of me, so shall I this I know.

If this tiny baby dies, from this world I shall also go.

If you sweet child die, 

So must I.

For thumb sized or no,

Already I love you so.

Horrors Found Me When I Was Young

Horrors found me when I was young.

They still hang from my heart, with weight over a ton.

Sadness and pain when my life had just begun.

Now, I wonder who am I?

Is it okay to still cry?

How much did my past effect myself?

How much longer can I manage at my current mental health?

How much longer can I keep my secrets hidden well beneath lies and stealth?

Horrors found me when my life just began.

I remember how I ineffectively ran and ran.

Now, I wonder who am I?

I watch you happy people pass me by.

Shopping, eating, hanging out together…

In my world I’m always stuck in a tornado of memories, torture and stormy weather.

Death, your method

Hello inmates welcome to your cells.

Your heads’ buried in the sand,

Incapacitated by your own actions and very own hands.

Welcome to your personally made hells.

I’m sure we’ll get to know you all here very well.

Next cell to your right a crackhead sold her own daughter

Underage.

Forced sex for her cocaine, it seemed a good barter.

She owes the dealer too much money and

her sex won’t pay his bills, honey.

He’ll shoot her in the head.

She’ll make a point to his other slaves to pay up once she’s found dead.

And to your left don’t worry about him, the blue man they’ve already tried to resuscitate,

we suppose here that, that booze and handful of pills to take him down was his predestined fate.

Across the hall there’s a girl who’s pulled out her own feeding tube and I.V.

It’s because at 81 pounds she’s still so very fat don’t you see?

Beside her another girl, don’t worry about.

She shoved her finger down her throat too many times, finally her esophagus ruptured and heart gave out.

Don’t scream, shout, cry, or pout.

You joined our club willingly didn’t you know death is all we are about?

There’s a teenaged boy down the hall other direction going nowhere better.

Blood stains the sleeves of his sweater.

We take turns betting how long it’ll be ’til he finally gets it right

I lost.

I thought he would have gotten that bleed out artery before last night.

Do you smell the burning hair and skin?

A husband blew his cell up making crank in the bathroom.

Take a bet on the crackhead, girl or boy?

You might win.

It’ll matter not your soul and life are already ours.

You’ve already been.

There’s no negotiations, no bail.

This is life until death.

Not a short term jail.

We’re already taking numbers gambling on your own last breath.

Just waiting to take you to your own death…

It might have been just the first time you stuck that dope filled needle in

your arm, thinking to cause no harm this very day.

Tonight you might have driven home safely drunk with no crashes on your journey’s way.

You might have just had one hit of that crack with your friend, unknowingly starting your end.

You might have lost just a few pounds a little too fast.

It matters not. Your life will soon be past.

It might have been your first time this very day.

This matters not to us we’ll first take your soul and then your life eventually anyway.

We’ve fooled brave men much more intelligent than you many times before.

Words spoken could never be more true.

Honey, there’s only one thing you might can do.

Start digging your way out as fast as you can if you’re not too deep already.

Never look back.

When you stop forgetting to fear us, that’s when we will attack.

This is your last chance.

Get out now if you can.

Otherwise, it is until death we shall dance.

It’s not a long duet, a very short dance indeed.

You’ve already planted seeds to a parasitic weed.

Run, Run, Run as fast as you can.

But if you’re not fast and properly scared we shall catch you again.

You see, we are the method man.

The fallen angel.

The prince of the earth.

And with us if you can’t escape you’ll soon smolder in the bottom of our hearth.

Make your choices wisely and give them lots of thought.

You won’t be very difficult.

We’ve got you already mostly caught.

Ode to Nany Reagan

“Just say no!”

So simply you all had always told me.

Why the did I go begging for it never letting be?

Maybe I don’t need you today

Maybe I’ll let my mind instead of my cravings have

the final say

Maybe I won’t try and hustle my pills or screw over a friend

Maybe I’ll get it all together one day in the end

Maybe today I won’t feel your warmth and power surge into my vein

Maybe I won’t kill all the pain and still try and stay sane

Maybe you made me crazy

The beginnings all so long ago and very hazy

Maybe I’ve always been insane born to fuck up

Maybe I was born to sip from this death cup

But maybe not, I’ve given it thought

Maybe today I’ll give this a go..

Maybe today to myself I’ll “Just say no”

Maybe today I’ll endure the pain an sick

Maybe today I’ll truly kick

Sober

Pretty lies, hurt/love

00glasschild

People hurt you and tell you pretty lies.
Each and everytime someone does a little piece of your heart dies.
And it seems though strong I am and hard I try,
When I think about what’s all happened I still sometimes cry.
Why do we need feelings? I’m tired of loss and pain.…
Why lately again so little sunshine and now so much rain?
What do I want? Who am I?
I’m far from perfect but I always have tried.

Sometimes the skin needs to cry with blood.

I tried to stand but you dropped me back into the mud.

Did you ever really value me?

Was I just someone young for with you to be?

Sometimes a stomach needs to be empty to feel pretty and clean.

Sometimes you’ll never know how the one who loved you can be so cold and mean.

Sometimes the brain needs drugs to feel sane.

Sometimes I need a needle to wipe out all the pain.

You might think I’m dumb.

I don’t care because soon I’ll feel numb.

Sometimes I want an overdose.

What would they say at my funeral?

Nothing grandiose.

She was an anorexic junky, she lived, she loved, she died.

Maybe someone will remember how hard I tried.

Most likely not, I have no merit.

Any good that came of me will be denied.

Nobody will care enough to miss me or be unable to bare it.

Television

..,2

Television

Your eyes stare back at me.

There is an entity of evil, posessing a transmitted image, inside

a visual replicate.

Turn off the screen.

There is no factual news to be heard or seen.

A glass window showing copied, fake, moving, talking pictures…

You are not alive why bother to tell me lie after lie?

I can’t believe the things our society will buy.

You are just seen on a screen…bits of mirrors, lights, and glass…I could kill you.

Hit you, make you crack and break.

Through your electronic “heart” the final stake.

Subliminal messages are planted into another eager dead brain…

Nobody cares how much it causes physical and emotional pain.

Turn off the screen.

Think.

Cease the vegetation.

Write something.

Read something.

Do something.

Be some one.

Your life is not immortal it shouldn’t be wasted until the day it

no longer goes on.