Hot mess

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You knew she was a hot mess when she fell into that stranger you spilling your beer all over her dress.
You knew there might be a problem when when you realized she was asleep
You knew she had a problem when you took off her sweater exposing scars
and could be lifted with just one arm
You knew she needed help when the hospital called you back in private
they told you of the drugs in her system
You knew she had to have help when the doctor continued to tell you that she was an addict with severe malnutrition
You knew you had to find somewhere to put her when the doctor told you of the times she’d came in for stiches
You knew you needed to find somewhere extremely quickly when in her purse snooping to find those posession tickets
You never knew why she starved herself since she was 13 but you wondered when she played with tarrot cards and liked Girl, Interrupted
You never knew how much she wondered about God studying different religions, hoping to find something she could believe in
something so hard when throughout her whole life past she’d been deceived in.
You never knew why she cut up her arms or starved, you assumed it was for affection or attention
You never knew how before drugs that was the only thing that could ease her mind of the past pains and tension.
You assumed the same whenever you’d catch her throwing up or lossing too much weight
it”breaks our heart!” you exclaim when someone asks what happened when she was 8
You didn’t know she was on a mission to find perfection in weightlessness, her final disappearing act, a completion of art
You never knew how much she’s hated you since you sent her away to rehab for pain pills and anorexia at 14
You never thought you’d see her anywhere else but juvie or jail since she left at fifteen
You thought she’d never quit one day when you saw her once more, looked at her arms and realized she’d been shooting dope
You gave her up again just like when she was 8, kicked her out of your life, no financial help, for college or shelter, barely any hope
You now know she’s got her own income and is paying her way slowly through college
You dont’t have the knowledge that she still slips up with heroin sometimes that she’s under 110
again
You don’t know how much more weight she wants to lose, how much pot she smokes or alcohol she drinks than the ocean has motion
You don’t know she last shot dope 2 weeks ago and coke 2 months back
You don’t know of the morals and ethics she’s since developed all those ones you lack
Nobody knows of all your alcohol problems and DUIs tickets nobody knows of the violence used to mantain her compliance
Nobody knows what her first foster “parents” did to her for minor infractions like crying
Nobody knows that since at 8 her body taken many times ever since then she’s been trying complete her art ever since then perfection forever and comletely trying
She still hates you
thinks there is no lower than you two

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